perspective.

i try to keep things on this blog light and happy. sure, there are things i'd like to vent about. frustrations, worries, stresses. but i figure - why waste time and energy on these things. i vent enough to my family and friends as it is...i try not to be a "complainer" but sometimes i think i am a little. ew. working on it. blogging about things would just give said frustrations, worries & stresses even more power. that being said - i've got them. we all do.

yesterday i cried - twice. maybe three times. i'm still working out those post baby hormones, running on very little sleep & stressed about new mama stresses. as i sat in H's nursery last night, i stressed...about the troubles we're having with feeding, about the fact that i go back to work soon, about my post baby body & what a mess it seems to be. these are all legit things to stress about i guess....until i read about a courageous family who is REALLY fighting a tough battle. through mutual friends on facebook, i stumbled on this amazing story of a little girl who is making a BIG impact. Brace yourself...this one will tug at those heartstrings big time. if you are somewhere that red noses & watery eyes would not be welcome, i recommend reading at a later time:

http://averycan.blogspot.com/

as i started to read about little Avery, my stomach flip-flopped and my heart fell heavy for this little family. i was disgusted with the way i've reacted to my "hardships" & all the things i've found "unfair" in the past few months. i cried for the third (or fourth?) time as i read this story. i cried HARD as i empathized with this new mama and how she must be feeling. in bed last night i listened to Harper's steady breathing and prayed to God to forgive me for my petty complaints & with gratitude to Him that was long overdue. When H started to stir and wake, I did not grumble and frown but I scooped up my healthy little girl & nuzzled her tight...promising to not waste one more second worrying about things that frankly don't matter at all.

Stories like this shake me to the core. They are not lighthearted and they make me think about (not doubt) my own faith & why things like this happen. It is scary & sad. But it also puts things into perspective. We take life for granted. We take our loved ones for granted. We are not promised tomorrow. Thank you, darling Avery for the reminder. You are nothing short of an angel.

Please pray for this sweet & amazing family. Follow along if you'd like & celebrate the life of this awesome child.

18 weeks: ONE(sie) LOVE



18 weeks. hello bump!






baby updates according to alpha mom:

• Is about the size of a baked potato — five-and-a-half inches long.
• Has actual cute little ears and working ear bones and can hear sounds through the amniotic fluid — similar to how things sound to you underwater.
• Is moving, moving, moving. The baby is still small enough that you may not feel every kick and punch yet, but the movements will start getting less “bubble-like” and more “holy crap, that was totally a foot” pretty soon, if they aren’t already.

-With the funeral services this week, it was a pretty somber week... but Baby & I made it through just fine together....stick with me kiddo. we've got this :) I'm still so sad that Grandpa will never get to "meet" baby bean, but I'm grateful for my faith & I believe that now that he's in heaven, Grandpa knows our little bean better than we do! I just picture him lovin' on our little one & it makes me smile (ok, and cry too but that comes with the preggo territory, doesn't it?)

"Awesomes" of the week: -All of our penta screen tests (genetic screening) all came back normal....so HUGE sigh of relief!

-I LOVE feeling the baby kick. I know I said this last week too but oh my goodness, I really REALLY do!

-check out the adorable onesies we've collected so far:


http://www.etsy.com/shop/tinytwistcreative
the funds made from this little shop on etsy help in funding this sweet couple's adoption from the Democratic Republic of Congo! check 'em out.



from mama's trip to Chicago :)



H&M



...sorry...couldn't figure out how to rotate the first two. i trust that even sideways, the cuteness is still quite evident.

"Awkwards" of the week:
-uh...my morning sickness (oh who am I kidding...all-friggin-day sickness) is back. with a vengeance. what the heck?! whoever said that the 2nd trimester is "sooooooo awesome" is full of crap. I feel just as yucky as I did in my 1st trimester if not worse....and ending pity party now.
-family in town = lots of belly touching which I am NOT a fan of. I let it slide though. this time....
-prenatal yoga kicks my butt every.single.time. seriously? how can i still make it just fine through body pump, spin & kickboxing but yoga leaves me sweaty and gasping for air?!
-nothing fits right! i'm too big for my regular clothes but too small for maternity clothes...getting ready has become an ordeal (well...more so than usual...) my closet is just one big pile of "nope. not gonna work"

 ...all this complaining but seriously, I'm feeling VERY blessed. Every morning feels like Christmas morning when I wake up, put my hand on my belly & smile....

xoxo,
K & Baby

17 weeks: life lessons

17 weeks

i was sooooooo hoping my first "weekly recap" would only be full of positive things...but that's not how life works most of the time, now is it?

i will start with the awesome stuff. and trust me...there have been loads of awesome stuff!

 -baby bean is the size of a turnip!


we've had a busy week:

-on tuesday, i had a check up with Dr. Olvera & all is well. bean's heartbeat is strong and steady in the 140's which is right where it's supposed to be. yay! now, i know we are so so so blessed that we have an "uncomplicated pregnancy" but it's a little frustrating that the doctors are so quick with us and there are no extra ultrasounds...i'm so grateful there's no cause for concern but i'll be honest - this new mama's still concerned! listening to that woosh-woosh of bean's heartbeat is the only reassurance i get to let me know that all's well in there. so naturally, it was probably the best 30 seconds of my week :)

-we have our first "real" ultrasound scheduled for 9/30. i say "real" because we did get the first one at 8 weeks but (sorry bean), it just looked like a chicken nugget. i can't WAIT to see my sweet chicken nugget now! so we are anxiously awaiting the 30th. we'll also find out if bean is a boy or a girl at that appointment, assuming he/she cooperates with the photo shoot.

-on wednesday, baby and i went to our first prenatal yoga class. it was awesome. we'll be trying to go every wednesday from here on out. even with my regular yoga classes and the weight lifting i've still been doing, this yoga was tough! so i know it is exactly what my body needs right now.

-on friday, i started feeling the baby move!! this obviously rivals the heartbeat when it comes to favorite moments of the week. it's still pretty faint (so we'll see how much i love it when it's a roundhouse to the ribs) but for now - i LOVE it...lots of reassurance that baby bean is a-okay this week, which is amazing. keep those kicks comin' little one!

-on saturday, bean and i ventured out to salutation nation with some friends. what is salutation nation you ask? basically, once a year yogi's from all over the world got together at 9am on saturday to practice yoga all at the same time. pretty cool, huh? we had a great time in breckenridge park. it was a beautiful, cool morning...yoga in the sunshine & under the trees was exactly what this heart of mine needed.

salutation nation

...okay, so now for the not so great stuff...

my grandpa passed away this past week :( i could write a NOVEL about all of this but i will just keep it simple and say that this week has been tough (hello, understatement). mostly, i worried that the stress and sadness would affect baby bean somehow. that may sound silly but i feel like my feelings right now are baby's feelings too so i couldn't help but worry that such crushing sadness would surely be felt by bean as well. it really bothered me. i didn't want to teach baby to be sad! i know that life is hard & baby bean will be sad someday but goodness, it will be hard enough later! not yet! i just want baby to be safe and protected right now. but then i realized, "okay, if i'm going to be sad right now (DUH), i can also teach baby bean something WAY more important...i can teach them how to rely on God during these super tough times too". and that's a lesson i'm honored to be able to teach. life is hard. that's a given. but i believe that my faith has really helped me get through the yucky times and someday i hope bean can say the same thing.

on one of the blogs i follow (i know, i know i follow a lot of blogs!), Casey was recently sharing some pretty serious heartbreak she's been experiencing & one of the comments from a reader really put it well:

"I find beauty in not only the beautiful things in life, but the bittersweet and sad as well. To me, there is something poignantly lovely about the human experience from its splendor to its grief. God created all our emotions, not just the happy ones, and for His good purposes. That's why a good cry can feel so good. And hitting our limits forces us to look outside ourselves for a Savior. It is in the plea, when we're at our end, that we can find that which is truly life-giving. Personally, my moments of deepest grief, deepest pain, have resulted in the most beautiful seasons in my heart. I've met God more intimately in those moments than in all the other pleasant ones combined. What isn't completely lovely about that?"- Leslie 

thank you, leslie for putting my feelings into words much better than i can!

i have found such comfort in past situations & this situation as well - knowing that when i am sad, helpless or scared out of my mind...that is when i am being held onto the tightest.

this weekend at church, we sang "it is well with my soul".... 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.
...yeah try and sing THAT bad boy without tearing up - i dare ya! but, regardless of the huge lump in my throat, it was the reminder i needed.

this song always makes me feel a million times better.

                            {JJ Heller, "Your Hands"}




xoxo,
K & Baby

let's get one thing straight...

When I Say "I Am A Christian"

by Carol Wimmer

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.



:) my mom sent me this a few weeks ago and i'm just now getting around to posting it but i think it's important to share. thanks, mom for the important reminder!

joy

ah! rev. amooti's sermon is up!

http://media.uchurch.tv/contemporary/pentecost/

it's 30 min. but so worth it! my favorite part is @ min. 23 when he sings a praise song in his native tongue. if you take the time to watch this (& i really hope you do) keep in mind that this is a man that has witnessed more destruction, fear and despair that i could even begin to fathom yet he just radiates joy and faithfulness.

today, i'm thankful for...

weekend gratitude :)

saturday~
1. a horrible run...why am i thankful for a "bad" run? because it's those runs that make you stronger, build endurance, and remind you why your running in the first place. if every run was "easy" it would be boring and pointless. besides, God blessed me with some important reminders on that run. the cute little asian couple on top of the hill practicing tai chi as the sun rose reminded me to appreciate the beauty in the nature around me and to appreciate the strength of a healthy body. also, there was a walk/run to benefit parkinson's research on the trail. this made me think of & pray to grandma anna, made me thankful for my own health & made me grateful for all the people out early on a saturday morning to raise money for a cause that is close to my heart.
2. stephanie's shower - so good to see sweet stephanie & go to her final dress fitting! her dress is goooooooooooooooooooorgeous!
3. bbq with the in-laws. great food & great company. plus, jack got his second play date of the weekend runnin' around with uncle tucker and the neighbor's 1 year old yellow, beau.

sunday~

1. reverend nathan amooti came back to visit our church! cody & i love hearing him preach. this man is truly truly filled with the JOY of the lord. rev. amooti is a christian pastor in rwanda who brings hope and love to a nation that has been devastated by violence and hate. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rwandan_Genocide
particularly, rev. amooti leads the "mango tree church" - aptly named because the congregation meets under a single mango tree on sundays - rain or shine.

he also envisioned & established the star school (http://www.starschoolsrwanda.org/) which provides education & hope for the youth of rwanda.


it is an incredible blessing to hear this man speak and share his faith and hope in our Lord. i'm hoping they'll post his sermon online soon so i can share.
2. getting to walk with grandpa in the evening when i went by to visit. it was great to see him smile :)
3. also got to visit with mom & dad for a short time too! thanks for the UT garden gnome, mom!