running has been a constant source of joy for me for ten-plus years now. through undergrad & grad school, through jobs i've hated & jobs i've loved, through transitioning from girlfriend to fiance to wife, through happiness & pain....through it all, i've run. i've run FROM myself & TO myself & back again.
some runs are full of thoughts and decisions...my time to meditate, get away from distraction and just think. other runs, i've learned to turn my mind off completely and just go. the pup and i will head out the door with gusto - speeding up, slowing down, tripping over rocks & laughing the entire way until we find ourselves back at the doorstep not gaining ideas, but simply leaving stress behind.
i've run through tears, rain, sunshine & fear. i've run fast, strong & hard - & i learned to be proud of myself & my hard work. i've run slow, strained & sloppy - & i learned to be humble & try harder next time. it's all been good.
lord only knows the miles i've covered in the past decade or so. there have been a LOT. most miles i won't remember. they blur & fade into one big memory. but there are some runs i've had, let me tell you - that i will never forget. through the craziness & uncertainty of life i've always known i can lace up my shoes, grab my ipod & GO. i can get out there with just my legs, lungs & maybe a good song or two & (here's the cool part) i'm guaranteed to return better than when i left. running has been my constant friend. yes, running has been oh so good to me...especially the runs that i keep near & dear to my heart. not my longest runs or fastest runs, but the runs that have meant the most. i think of these as my "big runs".
the day i graduated from college...i ran. it was an easy 3 miler around West Campus. a mid-day run that was slow and steady and meditative. i left my ipod at home that day as i ran through the streets i called "home" for the past 4 years. i thought of all the memories i'd be leaving behind & all the memories i still had to make ahead. i thanked God for the good times, the laughter, the friends, & yes...even some of the learning...that i was blessed by during my time at UT. i'm so glad i marked that big day with a big run.
the morning i got married...i ran. a strong, fast 7 miles around our new neighborhood to ease my nervous excitement & escape the stress for just one second to be ME. the sun was just rising & the morning was quiet. the clouds were playing with the sun in the perfect way that they do so that the rays shine down in a vivid beautiful display that can only be God's love shining down on us. this was one of my most favorite runs.
the morning my grandmother passed away...i ran. i was exhausted from being up all night but could not find sleep. i craved something comforting & familiar so i laced up my shoes, pulled on my ipod & headed out to the 4 mile loop i knew so well. i didn't have to think. i could be numb & angry & sad all at once and it was okay. it was early. no one was on the roads yet & it was raining. perfect for a good hard cry as i sped up the hills in frustration & finally slowed to a soft jog in defeat. it was not my favorite run given the circumstances but it was still good.
the morning i waited for biopsy results...i ran. i was paralyzed by fear & it took every ounce of my strength to get out of bed & run that morning. but i did. i needed to remind myself that i was okay & that i'd be okay no matter what the rest of that morning brought. again, i found myself seeking the comfort and familiarity of my trusty 4 mile loop. it was a steady run. filled with confidence & resolve & prayer. lots and LOTS of prayer.
and a few months ago i was able to add another "big run" to the list.
the morning i found out i was pregnant...i ran. jack & i went out for an early 5 mile run around the neighborhood as we watched the world wake up. in the silence of the morning, it was just us. i was alone with my thoughts and the sound of my footfall mixed with his steady four-legged trot. i felt happy & blessed...for my health & the tiny baby seed i had growing in my belly. we ran strong & happy that morning with a secret that no one else knew yet. cody was still sleeping & we'd tell him the big news as soon as we got home. for that moment, it was my time to be completely alone with our baby. it was a sweet and special 45 minutes to be the only person in the entire world that knew that our little baby bean existed. i will cherish this big run most of all.
