perspective.

i try to keep things on this blog light and happy. sure, there are things i'd like to vent about. frustrations, worries, stresses. but i figure - why waste time and energy on these things. i vent enough to my family and friends as it is...i try not to be a "complainer" but sometimes i think i am a little. ew. working on it. blogging about things would just give said frustrations, worries & stresses even more power. that being said - i've got them. we all do.

yesterday i cried - twice. maybe three times. i'm still working out those post baby hormones, running on very little sleep & stressed about new mama stresses. as i sat in H's nursery last night, i stressed...about the troubles we're having with feeding, about the fact that i go back to work soon, about my post baby body & what a mess it seems to be. these are all legit things to stress about i guess....until i read about a courageous family who is REALLY fighting a tough battle. through mutual friends on facebook, i stumbled on this amazing story of a little girl who is making a BIG impact. Brace yourself...this one will tug at those heartstrings big time. if you are somewhere that red noses & watery eyes would not be welcome, i recommend reading at a later time:

http://averycan.blogspot.com/

as i started to read about little Avery, my stomach flip-flopped and my heart fell heavy for this little family. i was disgusted with the way i've reacted to my "hardships" & all the things i've found "unfair" in the past few months. i cried for the third (or fourth?) time as i read this story. i cried HARD as i empathized with this new mama and how she must be feeling. in bed last night i listened to Harper's steady breathing and prayed to God to forgive me for my petty complaints & with gratitude to Him that was long overdue. When H started to stir and wake, I did not grumble and frown but I scooped up my healthy little girl & nuzzled her tight...promising to not waste one more second worrying about things that frankly don't matter at all.

Stories like this shake me to the core. They are not lighthearted and they make me think about (not doubt) my own faith & why things like this happen. It is scary & sad. But it also puts things into perspective. We take life for granted. We take our loved ones for granted. We are not promised tomorrow. Thank you, darling Avery for the reminder. You are nothing short of an angel.

Please pray for this sweet & amazing family. Follow along if you'd like & celebrate the life of this awesome child.

letters to Harper - month 2

Dear Little One,
Wow, 2 months already! The time is flying by. I am absolutely loving spending time at home with you and watching you change and grow each day. You smile a lot now and it turns me into giggly mush every time. You have such a beautiful smile, Harper. And your eyes! They are a gorgeous shade of blue and seem to get bigger with each day. I could stare at you for hours.

sweet smiles

this is the first smile i caught on camera!

check out those peepers!

Morning seems to be your favorite time of day (it's mine too) and you smile up a storm when I talk to you. Your favorite things are taking walks with Jack, taking baths and staring at the fan, which you find quite amusing!

taking your brother for a walk

snuggly and warm after a bath

you love the fan!

We are still hanging out mostly at home because it is flu season and you haven't had your immunizations just yet. I did take you up to work with me to a going-away-party for Sherree at the end of the month...I couldn't wait any longer to show you off! You did pretty well on your first big outing & I look forward to the day I can easily pack you up in the car and we can go out & do fun things together. I wonder what you'll like to do....go to the zoo? the park? the farmers market? shopping at La Cantera (oh wait, that's me...)

We celebrated St. Patrick's Day this month and also Mom & Dad's 5 year anniversary. Mia, Grandpa Bill & Aunt Caitlin watched you while we went to dinner.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

cute onesie from one of Mom's best friends, Barbara

We took you for your 2 month check up with Dr. B at the end of the month and you are doing great! You weigh 10 pounds & are 25 inches long - your weight and head size are right at the 50th percentile and you are 90th percentile in height :) I wonder if you'll grow up to be tall. Will you like sports like your mom & dad? Basketball and volleyball come to mind considering your height. But hey - you can do whatever you want! You had to have a couple shots at your visit and I think it hurt Mom & Dad more than you. You barely let out a peep when the nurse gave you your shots & I was very impressed! When I was a little girl I was not nearly as brave. We found out that the reason you are sometimes a "putzy eater" is not just because you are stubborn :) unfortunately, you have reflux :( BUT not to worry...it's very common in little babies and goes away quickly as soon as your little tummy develops a little bit more. So actually, your "putzy eating" was very smart of you because it allowed you to slowly digest the milk & gain a healthy amount of weight. We have started giving you some safe medication to help at Dr. B's recommendation until you feel better.

here are 2 more of my favorite pictures from your 2nd month:

My pretty little longhorn

jana came to visit you & mom!

Our routine each day is pretty variable, depending on what you feel like doing for the day. Some days you sleep a lot and others you are awake most of the day. I try to do different things with you so you learn & don't get bored...you sit in your swing, you sit in the boppy to watch tv next to me, go for walks, play on your activity mat, read your books, watch your "tv" in the nap nanny, do tummy time (which you are NOT a fan of...but we sneak it in by having you lay on our chest)....of course, your favorite place to be (& my favorite place to have you) is in my arms ;) we watch a lot of tv together on the couch...Live with Kelly, America's Next Top Model, Bethenny Ever After & Real Housewives of Orange County...you know, real educational stuff like that. I'm taking advantage of the time before you understand what's on the tv besides blurry pictures and flashy lights. Soon enough it will be Praise Baby, Baby Einstein & Disney movies 24/7! You like music & when i sing to you (i think). i sing "twinkle twinkle little star", "the itsy bitsy spider", "head, shoulders, knees & toes" & the "ABC's" a LOT. i also make up silly songs about you too. Jack probably thinks I've gone insane. 

There has been lots to enjoy but your sweet smile has definitely been the highlight of month 2 for me, little Harper. You are such an angel. 

xoxo,

Mama

letters to Harper - month 1

Oh sweet girl,
Welcome to the world! You are such a blessing to our family and your beautiful face just melts my heart. I thank God every day that you arrived here safely & in great health.

You were born on February 3rd...a Friday night at 9:05 after almost 20 hours of labor! It didn't feel that long to me though because I was so excited to meet you. Everything seemed to go so fast! I kept looking over at the baby bassinet they had set up to cradle and warm you as soon as you were born. Every time I'd get scared or discouraged, I could look over there at the little blankets laid out and would feel encouraged and excited because soon our little Harper Grace would be here! Dad & I put together a beautiful playlist to listen to while we were in the hospital. It was so nice to have familiar and favorite songs playing in the background as we prepared for your arrival. Now, when I hear those songs my heart fills with joy because they are all your songs now...and carry so much meaning to me. I guess you were pretty comfortable in there because the labor did not progress as quickly as our doctor would have liked, so we decided to have a C-section so you could join us in perfect health...and sure enough - you were PERFECT :) As soon as you were born, I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I couldn't believe you were finally finally HERE with us. I loved hearing your sweet cry and seeing your perfect little body as the doctors and nurses took care of you. After you were born, you were taken to the nursery for your first bath and everyone who was there at the hospital got to meet you for the first time....Grandma & Grandpa Vara, Mia & Grandpa Bill & Aunt Caitlin were all waiting to welcome you! Of course, Daddy didn't leave your side. You joined us all fairly soon in the hospital room so I could hold you for the first time & cuddle with my little angel. Eventhough it was the first time I held you in my arms, I was amazed at how familiar it felt...how familiar you already were to me. My heart knows your heart very well little one - that is for sure.

We spent a few days in the hospital recovering and getting strong before bringing you home. The nurses all called you "champion baby" because you were so healthy and strong. You had such a sweet disposition and were pretty quiet. One of your Nursery nurses, Madelyn, told me that she specifically asked to be assigned to you every night since you were so great! :) I don't blame her one bit. A lot of people came to visit you in the hospital...Rhonda, Stephanie, Abby, Rachelle (& Gus), Dawn, Great Uncle Eddie & Great Aunt Corrine, Cousin Tyler, Aunt Sara, Great Granny Betty, Pat, Great Uncle Mark & Great Aunt Susan...and of course Grandma & Grandpa Vara, Mia, Grandpa Bill & Aunt Caitlin came by often to see you.

We brought you home on Monday afternoon & you got to meet your big brother Jack & sister Maggie. You loved cuddling & sleeping in your "newborn napper" in the Pack N Play.

Grandma Vara stayed and helped us for the first two weeks as we continued to get healthy and establish a routine with you. Grandpa Vara stayed right down the road and came to visit you every day. He also took Jack on his daily walks, which helped Mom & Dad out a ton...Jack is now a HUGE fan of Grandpa Vara!

This month we have been hanging out alot at home. After a few weeks, you and I have started to take nice long walks in the BOB stroller around the neighborhood. You love the sunshine, fresh air & all the sounds - especially the birds and the puppies.

You also like taking baths...a true Aquarius I suppose. The water seems to calm you. 

You are a pretty chill little baby and our days consist of the following: eating, pooping, sleeping - repeat. That may sound boring but you are such an angel and we love you SO much, every little thing is so precious & dear to us. I love the time we are spending together, even if it is mostly just eat, poop, sleep - repeat. I LIVE for your snuggles. 

We've so enjoyed getting to know you this first month, Harper. Your personality is already shining through. Perhaps I'm a liiiiitle biased but I think you are perfect in every single way - sweet, smart, beautiful. I could never imagine anything more wonderful than you. I look forward to the months ahead and watching you grow.

xoxo, Mama